The Neanderthal opens up about “girls” and football

“Girls” shouldn’t play football because they…

…might get hurt

Praise Jesus, no man has ever been hurt playing the sport!

…don’t know the game

By God, I never knew the male reproductive organ included knowledge about football!

…might cry if they lose

So, male athletes who have cried aren’t men?

…are ladies, and ladies shouldn’t play a sport like football

So, men who are considered gentlemen ought not play the game either, right?

…don’t get that football is a man’s sport

Please define “a man’s sport?”

…aren’t as strong as guys

Thankfully, every man is of the same size and weight, so we don’t need to think about this logically

…have all those other sports

Men do, too.

…might see a guy, you know, without clothes on

Your mom saw your dad that way, and, sadly, you were the result

…should stick to themselves

Yes, segregation has a long record of success everywhere it’s been practiced

…are trying to force men and women to play together, and that doesn’t happen

Tennis, anyone?

…are… well, never mind because it’s obvious you’re one of those people who think women can do anything, including play football

You finally said something that made sense.

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